First World Problems - Part 3

Hey you! Yeah you! The jiggly bit around my waist. That’s right. You.

F*CK YOU BELLY!

Avid readers (i.e. me) of this fine repository of literary genius may remember a previous posting - First Word Problems (part 2) - from back in May of this year.

This post concluded by throwing down the gauntlet - I must shed almost and stone and hit 12 stone 7 before the wedding.

In the months that followed I developed a cunning strategy to achieving this goal - binge dieting and binge exercising.

The concept is a simple one - like a Eurozone economy, it's all about the double dip. The strategy has 3 steps:


Step 1 (dip) - Lose weight by bingeing. Get wedding suits fitted.
Step 2 - Stop bingeing. Get fat again. Have a merry Christmas.
Step 3 (double dip) - Repeat step one. Get married


So far today I have eaten an excellent Chilango Burrito, 3 cookies and half a bag of Haribo. Why? Because today I weighed in at 12 stone and 5.6 pounds - I've lost a stone in just over 2 months.

For the first time in a very long time, the stupid BMI measure tells me I am no longer overweight. Victory is mine.


The best part was, the 69 days this took wasn't even that tough. Training for the run helped, lots of weights helped and now swimming is helping. The diet - a 'slow carb' diet championed by Tim Ferris in the book '4 Hour Body' - was pretty easy:

• No carbs unless they are beans or lentils
• Shed loads of protein
• Only drink red wine (I added single malt whisky to this because it is goooood)
• Binge day once a week

So you get to eat meat, meat and more meat 6 days a week and gorge on pizza, cheese and haribo on a Saturday. That's not a diet my friend, that's a privilege.


Wow, I just read back what I've written so far. Sounds like a weight watchers advertorial. Apologies. I'm not going to change it though - want to keep this as a reminder for me!


Now Step 1 is done, I don't think I want to do Step 2 anymore - question now becomes whether I want to stay where I am or try and get totally tonk and chase one of my lifetime goals I mentioned earlier...

What a completely dull and off topic post. Sorry. How can I get back on track?

Ummmm, I'm lazy and angry- rarrr. Done.